bgm: Journey to the West Theme Song (citypop remix)
disclaimer: I own nothing of this sublime piece of music. Please find the original upload here.
TLDR: This category is a collection of what I did for fun.
I write short (hopefully) arbitrary stories inspired by some photos I took, or music I listened to, or articles I read, or movies I watched, or whatever that just unleashed the trickle of my imagination.
I also write, short and long fan fictions, since I want to see my beloved characters live in the way I personally insist they deserve. Most of these are in Chinese, but I’ll try writing some in English as long as they don’t seem silly to native readers.
Inspiration for Category Name: As the multiverse does exist, some of the parallel worlds attract more attention for certain reasons (eg. Marvel make them into movies so everyone can see what’s going on here and there). There are some parallel worlds, however, that do not grant full access to everyone–just because it is I who create them (at least for what you can find under this category). I don’t really know (or care) if they are visited or liked by others. As long as they exist for the sake of me and my joy, they are my priceless fortunes that I hope to share with like-minded multiverse travelers, creators and destroyers.
I dump thoughts, ideas or look-backs on previous experience when stuck in the lows of life, when feeling lost, or when getting so happy to the point of fear losing everything I have.
Note: I apologize if the title offends anyone. I’m mostly atheistic, partially because I don’t know who to fully trust and mentally converse with. I see myself as the only trustworthy (well, most of the time I guess) heavenly messenger, and I write down some thoughts for repentance or prayers.
—– Fly You to the Moon —–
Though it may seem unlikely for an extroverted (well, can’t guarantee to be like that all the time but at least that’s how I appear to be) being like me, I’m not really into photo taking.
This is perhaps because I’m excessively aware of how people think of me—and also, how I think of myself. Usually it becomes unacceptable if I suddenly realize that I don’t really look, talk, behave or get judged in the way I think I should be. This ironically leads to a very ambivalent scenario, that I tend to introspect on myself every few hours, regretting what I did wrong or not good enough, while I’m doing all of this from a standerby perspective, avoiding to face my true ego and talk with myself in depth.
But human memories do have a limit, and for me it seems to be pretty tiny.
I remember things for an instant, process them all as fast as I can, and then get them all cleared from the 512MB cache in my brain so that I could formally welcome what triggers the dopamine: trivial gossips about celebrities or influencers, cute animal videos I laugh at and forget right away, jokes restricted to weird cyber communities, and stories (yes I do write some stories, esp. romantic ones though I don’t think they would happen in reality) about anime characters that may not even know each other in the original manga.
Most of the time these funny stuff are remembered by my browsing history or saved, thankfully at a price, in the iCloud. But in addition to periodically reviewing them when I’m extremely bored (usually during finals or other stressful moments), I do want to share them in the public cyber world, though barely someone would visit this website, let alone reading these long tedious articles I wrote.
I admit that I may, at least on the internet, show some slight (or severe) symptoms of exhibitionism. It could have something to do with my narcissism—I have talents, maybe in some aspects that do not directly provide me with an affluent life or impress the world with something contributing, but they make me who I really am.
For years I’ve been accustomed to the life as a mimicker—I do things as how others do (which means I’m highly incapable of coping with something unseen), probably after silent practice in my brain for thousands of times, and I observe their reactions as the feedback, to further alternate my policy—exactly in the setting of reinforcement learning. Sometimes I just feel that my life is not under the pure control of me, as it also depends on how others want me to be, how they think I should be, and how I almost exhaust my entire energy not to fail their expectation to be.
But who am I indeed?
Do I really look like who I claim in my anonymous website to be?
Am I truthfully happy when I see everyone else laughing and then follow up to giggle, just in a way trying to fit in?
Am I factually the trouble-free giant that I repetitively brainwash myself to be?
Does all this writing, either conveying how perplexed I am or declaring how determined I plan to become, help me settle down my turbulent mind or conversely make it worse?
…
I don’t think I now have, nor will I have in decades, clear answers to these questions. Maybe the attempts to try answering these questions become exactly part of our lives and the motivation to know ourselves better. Maybe they just become “overthinking” in someone else’s mouth. Maybe they vary so much in different multiverses. Maybe they don’t exist at all.
I usually stop my thoughts right here just because proceeding with these philosophical questions is simply too expensive to provide any instantaneous fun that I’m seeking all the time. I just want the fun, for free—and I think it’s doable if I arrange all my efforts in a compound way that I can easily get over from time to time.
Therefore (and finally) in conclusion, this category is called fun for free since they come so easily compared to other entertainment, and they make a very vital part of my life. I will mainly share some imaginary writings inspired by photos I take or songs I enjoy, or some fanfictions I’ve done just to entertain myself, or some more mumbling like this that makes no sense but helps calm me down in mental chaos.
On this basis, I may not hope you enjoy reading any of these posts (I know it’s too much to ask and there’s no need for being fake nice and telling me something’s good when it’s clearly not), but on the sinuous journey to know more about me, they are all important stories that expose my unknown side, even before I realize.
Then I’ll just wish you…HAVE FUN!
After all It’s all FOR FREE here on my planet–so don’t be shy and take as much as you want 😊
(Last Updated on May 11, 2022)
—– Fly You to the Moon (again) —–